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Videogame review: Pokemon Black
Videogame review: Pokemon Black
I am sorry, people. Really.
You don’t know me fully yet, but I am a new review writer for Reviewtopia. As such, I have an obligation to endure certain products and bring you a verdict on them. But on that front, I have already failed.
I was self-assigned to play through the new Pokemon and bring you a review on it, as it would be the most contemporary and valid game to most of the people reading this. But I couldn’t do it.
I could not beat Pokemon Black.
I tried. Oh Lord, or Buddha, how I tried. I have played pretty much every generation of Pokemon since Gold/Silver up to this point. Looking back, I couldn’t always tell you why.
The first time you play through a Pokemon game, it’s a blast. The charm is undeniable, the strategy is compelling and the journey, the first time you take it, is as endearing as any Shakespeare play.
The first time you play it.
One thing I really liked about the new one was that, when the professor is briefing you as always, she doesn’t actually say, “Your very own Pokemon adventure is about to unfold”. Game Freak have finally gotten used to the idea that millions of people buy their games. The adventure’s hardly been “our own”.
Come on, guys. It’s the same thing every time. Why are we always moving into a new town? Why do we not have a dad (except in Ruby/Sapphire)? Why must we always fight to become the Champion? I’d be just as happy sitting at home and not make my mother fret about me.
Thinking about it, only two of the games I played in this series were worth my time: Silver and…SoulSilver. And they ARE the same game. Says a lot about the creative worth of Pokemon, doesn’t it?
By rights, each game is good. The collection of Pokemon and constant battling has always carried an allure. But the regression of the series is catching up to its evolution. You could say that my ongoing view of the series has been…*ahem*…
Warped by time.
I played for nine hours before becoming too bored to continue. I know I have an obligation as a reviewer to get through rough patches of a title so I can complete it. But this wasn’t a patch, this was an entire crop. A dried up crop. With solidified dog crap smattered all over.
And this is one of the last titles on the DS, a console lauded for its originality. And guess what? Some of the other “twilight’ titles are original as well. Okamiden. Monster Tale. Maybe if this were released in place of, say, Diamond/Pearl, its few original ideas and overall streamlining would have been more recognised.
But no. I have had enough of eight gyms. Enough of Pokemon snatching teams, enough of petty rivalries. I am finished, I will not be buying the next game unless it doesn’t involve striving to be the very best, that no one ever was. Except they bloody well were, which is again why there’s no more “very own Pokemon adventure” bullshit anymore.
All of this, and one of the new Pokemon kinda looks like a foetus with an umbilical cord coming out of its head. I say kinda, ‘cos it really isn’t. But it’s still creepy.
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